How To Delicately Approach Buying a Home When a Neighbor Passes Away

There are only a few reasons why a neighbor’s home might come on the market. One is that they decided to move away. Another is that they unfortunately passed away. 

If you’ve lived in your community for a long time, you’ve likely developed bonds with your neighbors and have insight into their homes and their lives. Let’s say you’ve always admired a particular neighbor’s home—its architecture, its location, its potential. Maybe you grew up in the area and you’re looking to move back to be closer to family. Then you learn the homeowner has died, and you sense the property may soon come on the market. 

Of course, you’re interested, but the situation feels delicate. How do you navigate this potential opportunity without appearing opportunistic or disrespectful to grieving family members?

This scenario is more common than you might think, and while it requires sensitivity, there are professional and ethical ways to position yourself as a potential buyer. The key lies in understanding proper etiquette, working through the right channels, and timing your approach appropriately.

Wait for the official listing—but stay prepared

The most straightforward answer is that you should wait until the property is officially listed before making an offer. However, this doesn't mean you can't prepare in advance or express your interest through appropriate channels.

“Staying in contact with your agent to monitor developments is not only acceptable but also sound business practice,” says Sain Rhodes, a real estate specialist at Clever Offers. 

The timeline between a homeowner's death and a property listing can vary significantly, depending on whether the estate needs to go through probate and how complex the situation is. 

“During this time, your agent should be in constant contact with the listing agent after it goes into the MLS, so you can be one of the first to see it,” says Rhodes. 

Never contact family members directly 

For you, the clock may have started ticking on the decision to reach out and make an offer as soon as you heard about your neighbor’s death. Thus, the wait for the property to come on the market as the details get sorted out might feel like an eternity. 

That said, perhaps the most important rule in this situation is to avoid direct contact with the deceased homeowner's family or heirs about purchasing the property, especially in the immediate aftermath of their loss.

"There is just no way you can approach this subject without appearing predatory or opportunistic, especially if the death is very recent," explains Johana Williams, regional manager with Utopia Management in San Diego. "Whatever you do, don't attempt to broach the subject to the survivors directly."

Even if the family happens to be ready to sell, approaching them directly will create an awkward situation that won't reflect well on you as a potential buyer. Rhodes agrees, noting that contacting relatives directly or attempting negotiations before listing “crosses an ethical and professional boundary.”

Such actions could result in your offer being refused outright or damage your relationship with both the estate and the listing agent.

Let your agent do the legwork

Your real estate agent is your most valuable resource in this situation. They can monitor public records, track probate filings, and identify the executor of the estate—all without the personal awkwardness that would come from you doing it yourself.

Williams recommends telling your agent that you're interested in the property and would like to be notified if it gets listed, or even before. You can even indicate interest in a possible pre-market agreement if the other party is open to it. Your agent can also reach out to the estate's attorney or representative through professional channels when the timing is appropriate, keeping the process professional and removing any perception that you're taking advantage of a difficult situation.

Rhodes shares an example of how this approach can work: A client had been tracking a property for three years when the elderly owner passed away. Rather than approaching the family directly, the client worked with her agent to contact the estate's representatives through proper channels. When the property was listed two months later, the client had already established appropriate contact and was able to view the home before other buyers, ultimately purchasing it at 97 percent of the asking price in a competitive market.

Consider being a good neighbor first

While waiting for the property to be listed, consider taking a genuine, community-minded approach. 

“Generally speaking, it would be a nice thing to offer friendly assistance to the heirs in case they need anything, not with the intent to get something out of it, but more so with the awareness that being a good neighbor or community member is what makes life better for everybody,” says Williams. 

Being a good neighbor can naturally open conversations about the property when the family is ready, without you appearing opportunistic.

This authentic helpfulness—if offered genuinely and not as a strategic ploy—demonstrates the kind of character that can work in your favor when the family does decide to sell.

Understand what early positioning does and doesn’t do 

For buyers who handle this situation appropriately, there can be real advantages. Families dealing with an estate are often relieved to have a serious buyer ready to move forward without the stress of traditional listing processes, including showings, repairs, and extended market exposure. An off-market or pre-market sale can spare the family considerable hassle while giving you an edge over other potential buyers.

Early positioning doesn’t mean being the first to rush in with an offer before the owner’s body is in the ground. It does mean being prepared to move when the time is right. If you know that the home may soon come on the market, work to get your financing in order and be ready to make a serious offer when the time comes. 

Also, be advised that for any number of reasons, you may not be able to purchase the home even if you had advance notice. The heirs may want to keep the home for themselves, or they may want to maximize value by putting the home on the market and selling to the highest bidder. Your preexisting relationship, status in the community, and careful planning may not get you a deal or even an opportunity to buy—and that’s just how it goes sometimes. 

Pursuing a home after a neighbor's death requires balancing your legitimate interest in the property with respect for grieving family members and professional standards. The path forward involves patience, working through your agent, and positioning yourself as a knowledgeable and compassionate buyer who respects the family's timeline.

The process may take longer than a typical home purchase, and it requires more sensitivity than usual. But by following professional channels, showing genuine respect for the family's situation, and working with an experienced agent, you can pursue your real estate goals while maintaining the dignity this delicate situation demands.